Made in Chelsea: Review

18 Nov

I hate Made in Chelsea. Hate it to the point I can’t stop watching it (usually while cooking tea on a Tuesday night in my AWESOMELY NEARLY FINISHED KITCHEN! I know a lot of you don’t watch it, so here is a short introduction to each main character:
1) Spencer. I really don’t like Spencer. He seems to think that the world revolves around him. He has stupid hair that seems to have been inspired by the 1980s market trader look. He apparently has a job but I’m damned if I know what it is, or even when he apparently goes to it. His face also really reminds me of a Gummy Bear from that 80s cartoon that was set in medieval times. Spencer, in short, is an arsehole.
2)Caggy. Spencer’s (unrequited) love interest. Caggy is apparently a singer/songwriter/musician (at least she was in the first series – she now seems to spend her entire time pouting and/or being upset about Spencer. Get over it, love!
3)Hugo. I quite like Hugo. He’s quite funny. Hugo also has a job in something. In the first series he had a thing for Rosie that then got transfered to Millie…
4) Millie, with all the charm and character of an Asda bag stuffed with dead wasps. Millie has no facial expressions. She has cold, dead eyes. She works in a shop one day every 3 months or something. She went off it at Hugo for cheating on her, made the guy feel like a monster, then admitted when backed into a corner that she had cheated on him first but it was ok because she didn’t think he’d hear about it. Everyone hates Millie now, except Caggie who is incapable of having an opinion on anything.
5)Francis. My favourite. This is for the sole reason that I genuinely can’t work out if he really is that fucking eccentric, or he’s just a master at trolling real life. Francis is CEO of a diamond mining firm. In the first series he had a full length portrait painted of himself with a globe and a pineapple. He had a duel with Frederick over the right to date an intern. Then they made a gentlemen’s agreement that they should both date her (didn’t end well).
6)Rosie. Possibly got with Hugo behind Millie’s back. Emotionally dead.
7)Ollie, Cheska and Binky. The jokers of the pack. They might work in “promotions”. Get the feeling they aren’t of the same social standing as Spencer et al. The episode where Binky goes to a black tie event rocking an eye patch is pure gold.
8)Proudlock. A new character and old flame of Caggie’s. His hair appears to be the same colour as his face – yellow/orange plastic. Wears a REALLY ANNOYING EARRING!
9)James. In trouble with his financial advisor over his lack of a job after graduating, and the three or four holidays he goes on in a month. His father is threatening to cut off his allowance, lol.
10)Mark-Fancis. Possibly the highest social rank on the show, I think he may be European royalty? Not sure, but that’s based on his servants, palaces and general inability to do anything for himself.
11)Amber. Designs horrible jewellery. Hangs out with Mark-Francis.
12) Frederick. A Scandanavian He-Man, male model, sporter of quality knitwear, swordsman, polo player, crap pianist.

So there is my rundown of the main characters, and here is a bonus clip from the next episode, airing Monday night:

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