Swift Procrastination

17 Oct

I am in desperate, desperate need of some procrastination. The lack of wi-fi makes this a harder task than it should be. In order to complete my mission of time-wasting (something that I haven’t done much while here in España), I am having to type this up in a blank word document and upload later – in. my. spare. time. But such is life I suppose.

Anyway, this post is a straight shout-out to my dear Crellin, who, like me, shares a love of the great Taylor Swift. Now, while I am willing to wear my love of T. Swizzle right out there on my sleeve, Crellin considers her poppy, neo-country tunes to be something of a guilty pleasure – to be sung aloud only at home, in the shower, and in other times of solitude. And this makes my heart cry. So to help Crellin dismiss her shame, I decided to compile a list of five reasons why it’s okay to be a fan of Miss Swift’s, using five songs as examples. Be prepared – they are not musically or lyrically complex, however, they are relatable. So relatable that you can apply almost every one to a happenstance in your life. That being said: here we go!

And, I mean - Check that hair!

5) “Sparks Fly” – We all know that feeling of a new crush – champagne and fireworks, butterflies and staring at your phone and this song is perfect for dancing around and relishing the feeling:

“Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain,
kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain,
‘Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile!
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down,
Give me something that will haunt me when you’re not around,
‘Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile!”

Is it corny? Yes. Is it cheesy? Even more so! But so is that feeling. And rather than being as frigid as a penguin’s ass on a metal slide, I think it best to embrace the whole of the giddyness.

4) “Picture to Burn” – On the other side of the things, here we have the song for when that jerkface cheats, lies, or screws you over in some other way. It happens – and so do the accompanying emotions of sadness, wrath, and violence. This song lyrically grabs that a-hole by the cajones and tells him what’s up – which is what you really want to do… when you’re done crying and your face is no longer blotchy.

“I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive,
You’re a redneck, heartbreak who’s really bad at lying,
So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time,
As far as I’m concerned your just another picture to burn…

There’s no time for tears,
I’m just sitting here planning my revenge.
There’s nothing stopping me,
from going out with ALL YOUR BEST FRIENDS!”

Yes. All OF THEM! Now, if this imagery is just a little too country-tastic for you, see also “Dear John” – which is just a bit more bitter and a little less yokel:

“Dear John, I see it all now it was wrong,
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
to be played by your dark twisted game,
When I loved you so?
I should have known”

You might not necessarily have been too young, but you can substitute any adjective you like. On a happy side-note with “Dear John” it’s actually about her relationship with John Mayer – and you have to love anything that give that guy a verbal ass-whoopin’!

3) “Better than Revenge” – And this song is for the street-walker guy from 5 and 4 cheated with. She is prettier. And thinner. Can speak 7 languages. And rescues puppies in her spare time. Yes, yes, we can all pretend to take the highroad, to wish them well, but deep down:

“The story starts when it was hot and it was summer,
I had it all I had him just the way I wanted him,
She came along along got him alone and lets hear the applause,
She took him faster than you could say ‘sabotage’…

I’m just another thing for you to roll your eyes out honey,
you might have him but haven’t you heard,
I’m just another thing for you to roll your eyes out honey,
you might have him but I always get the last word.”

It goes on to insinuate (not so subtly) that the girl is a bit of a floosy. Which, of course, she is.

2) “Fifteen” – Perfect for when you are feeling nostalgic. Fifteen is about, well being fifteen. The boys. The cars. The prom. The acne. And how you wish you could go back and tell yourself that in four years – not a bit of it is going to matter.

“Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday,
but I realised some bigger dreams of mine.
And Abigail gave everything she had
to a boy who changed his mind…
And we both cried.”

If you ever, ever let yourself think that high school was the best time of your life – listen to this song, on repeat, 63 times.

Also good for nostalgia is “Never Grow Up” a nice little lullaby about cherishing your childhood (“Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple”) and “The Best Day” when you’re missing your mom… which I do, a lot (“I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean, I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys”).

1) “Mean” – And finally – the number one musical reason it’s okay to like Taylor Swift. We have all been bullied. We have all been bullies. This twangy little tune with its smooth banjo and sweet mandolin solo reminds us why it’s important to be kind and how to shake it off when others aren’t so nice:

“I can see you years from now,
talking over a football game.
With that same big loud opinion,
but no one’s listening,
washed up and ranting
about the same old, bitter things,
drunk and rumbling on about
how I can’t sing…
but all you are is mean…
all you are is mean…
and a liar…
and pathetic…
and alone in life…
and mean.”

With a few changes regarding football games and singing – I think this song may single handedly get me through the high school hallway that is often academia.

So there you have it. Five (out of a bunch more) reasons one should be proud to be a fan of Taylor Swift. Some of you may not be convinced – and that’s fine – but hopefully now Miss Crellin will get her T-Swift T-shirt and shamelessly walk around singing “Tim McGraw” at the top of lungs.

Yeah – this took me about forty minutes. Woot!

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